you are perfect.

so i had this epiphany. I finally understand those girls who any person my age might define as a SLUT. always with a new guy, slept with over ten, which may not be that many but when youve only been around for 17 years, it kind of is. while the majority of the people take a negative look at them once theyve been branded a slut, ive come to realize it as a different way. sure, they may get around. but, from the perspective of somebody who has if not been, been best freinds with one, things arent always the way they appear.
whats weirdest is that when we were in 7th, 8th, and 9th grade, she wasnt one of those kids who drank at an early age, kissed boys under the bleachers, or who played spin the bottle. in fact, she didnt get her first kiss until 10th grade. weird, i know. but then, once new years of our 10th grade year it, it was a whole new story. it was kind of my fault i guess for dragging her down with me, but we wanted to get drunk, so thats exactly what we did. it was an obsession from that point on, we thought of every possible way to get drunk, and started smoking pot and doing things with guys. while i decided to get in the pool, she decided to dive into the deep end, drinking every weekend, lying to her parents and all. once i broke up with the boyfrend of mine who was more mature (two years older), i stopped everything really. i didnt really care. ive never needed substances to have a good time. im a jolly person. she, however, continued, and it was a constant struggle trying to be friends with her. with my growing faith, she just dragged me down. i look at it now, and see how far ive come since then, and how much farther i could have been if it werent for her. it disgusts me that she had me convinced that it was cool to sleep around, get drunk at school, and all the the dumb things we did together.
since my sophomore year ive constantly been struggling with partying, drugs, and alchohol. which is the stupidest thing, because i dont even care about it. i look at my life right now, and i am perfectly content with being a true daughter of christ. yeah, i party with my friends someitme. but i dont look to get drunk. im better then that.
anyways, on the way home from younglife tonight i was thinking about her, having run into one of her many guys that she keeps on a close enough string where they are always there for her, but she never has to be there for them. then, i thought about how shitty ive been feeling since i broke up with silly philly. then it kind of hit me- get a life. get a friend. i love who i am, since when do i need a GUY of all people to complete me? a boyfriend should improve my being, not BECOME my being. i never again want to let my confidence and overall wellness depend on a man agian. but theres always that feeling- that lingering, terrible feeling much like the one im feeling right now, that makes me want to keel over. that feeling is why girls become sluts- to fill the gaps they feel when theyre single.
why are we constantly convincing ourselves that we need a man to be happy? ladies- you are pefrect the way god made you. dont ever let yourself think diffferently.